This may be appalling to some who read. Somewhere in me, I’m appalled.
And its not the usual theme of my blog … but the title of this blog makes it clear I’m a Christian … and I have always deeply enjoyed that part of my life. At least I did until the past two years.
I’m in the middle of a ‘prayer meeting’ in my own living room. Right now. (I’m always the one taking notes for our gathering … so typing now doesn’t actually seem weird to them.) These are people I love and who I invited here. We enjoy time together, pray together. We enjoy being quiet to hear the ‘still small voice’ and ask the Creator, God, whatever you call your Divine source, for prophetic words to give one another.
But I cannot be my fully awakened self here in their midst. I’m an orgasmic woman. I experienced an ‘awakening’ months ago and have spontaneous orgasms, erotic energy released in and through me. I’ve always easily orgasmed but this is orgasm taken to a whole new level that occurs without sexual stimulation of any kind. Full body orgasms. I love it.
So … I leave the room, go into my bathroom and quietly feel opened up wide sexually and energetically to the force of this energy, the force of erotic waves of pleasure and healing whooshing through.
How sad that a powerful, spiritual and erotic and energetic awakening cannot be shared openly simply because I’m in the midst of Christians.
Don’t get me wrong. These are WONDERFUL people and I love them. But I don’t feel I can be myself fully with them, the person who I’ve become in the past few years.
I’m not possessed but that’s what they would believe. And they would believe it sincerely and be concerned for me in a way they think would be loving.
There is so much more than we understand through traditional channels about energy, pleasure, healing and spiritual experiences.
Maybe one day it will change.
For now I will keep leaving rooms where my ‘spiritual’ friends are engaged in ‘spiritual endeavors’ and not be my orgasmic self openly in their midst. This doesn’t feel bad to me … but it is very, very sad.