Anais Nin Lifts Me Once Again

It has been a season of quiet for me, in writing and in real life. Other than work with my dear clients and experimenting with watercolors again, life is purposely quiet. Oh, and of course I’ve continued work-related activities to expand my financial horizons. An orgasmic goddess must eat after all. And I’m burning to travel which means the coffers must increase.

My soul needs this sabbatical of spacious personal awareness. My soul is adjusting, healing, transmuting and becoming more in alignment with my entire being. Sabbaticals are full of restorative magic.

Whilst pondering many things, I’ve wondered how to express my submissive self. My inner core increases in strength and I’ve wondered if I were actually a sub anymore? Or maybe that I didn’t ‘need’ it anymore? But that doesn’t feel right. I still crave the delicious allure of a Dominant man and the safe harbor offered my submissive heart. I love serving, pleasing, and bringing pleasure to a Dom. I love watching his Dominance flourish and expand his heart, mind, soul and entire being.

But I’m growing in STRENGTH and VOICE and sheer FORCE of NATURE and CREATIVE JUICINESS. Thus my doubts, ponderings upon whether or not I’d entered the zone of ‘too much’ for any Dominant man to want to engage with me.

My ponderings led me back to Anais Nin. Ah, the soul-soothing words of a fellow Dominance-desiring woman. How could I doubt my true nature?

I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.
–Anais Nin

Eight Miles Wide

So, this song …

The first time I heard it, I was aghast. I don’t know why. Considering the highly erotic and sometimes graphic poems I often pen, you’d think I would not enter the state of aghast watching a video like this. Alas, I did. I must have been in a particularly proper Victorian or catholic mood that night.
The second time I heard it, I couldn’t stop laughing.
The third time I heard it ….
well, my reactions vary but I love this song.
Plus, where else would I have learned the word ‘vigantastically’?

The story behind the video: The singer/songwriter, Storm Large, wanted this song filmed in the whimsical style of a Massengil Douche commercial and a Dr. Pepper commercial. I believe she achieved the desired effect.

Oh, in case you miss it – the sexy red head dancing in the rain and the blonde lounge singer are both Storm.

On a (semi-) serious note, Storm is a fabulous singer. After playing this video for the umpteenth, I did a YouTube search and was amazed at the multitude of gorgeous songs she has performed. A quick trip to iTunes scored one of her albums. I’m glad this naughty, campy video led me to her. Perhaps I will one day enjoy her show in person?

Lyrics found here:

Eight Miles Wide
by Storm Large

all of my life
I’ve never fit
but I won’t complain and I won’t quit
I am enormous
get used to it
everyone tells me I’m too much
maybe it’s just you’re not enough for me
can’t you see
I’m the kind of the woman I’m supposed to be

my vagina is 8 miles wide
absolutely everyone can come inside
if you’re ever frightened just run and hide
my vagina is 8 miles wide

tell me what is womanly to you
strong but not too much of a brute
it’s cool if she’s powerful
but way better if she’s cute
for all of us girls who don’t fit in
I say go Amazonian
you can be a kick-ass bruiser
and be feminine


now I am not loose and I’m not a whore
this is a metaphor for
my super vigantastically mystical feminine goddess core
and I hate it when women make that noise

that we don’t need daddies, men or boys
even the hard-core dykes like
cock-shaped sex toys

my vagina
it’s universal
like a penis
but reversible
come on in, the water’s fine
it’s not my vagina
it’s our vagina

[harmony chorus]
[just the boys]

a big big love
a big big love